We call each other “brother” and “sister” every Sunday, but that doesn’t mean we don’t become a little disgruntled with someone in our Mormon ward family from time to time. The book has already been written on winning friends and influencing people. Let our 20 tips warn you against losing friends and making enemies in your LDS congregation.
1. Bring a tray of delicious treats to share with the class you teach — on fast Sunday.
Make sure the aroma of your baked goods permeates the room of hungry saints.
2. Wear pants to church.
3. Throw in a little mild profanity when you offer a comment in Sunday school.
4. Bring an ultra-healthy dish to a ward potluck.
Don’t even consider using Jell-O, a boxed cake mix or anything that comes in a can.
5. Introduce yourself as a Democrat.
6. Ask your ward acquaintances all the inappropriate questions they dodge every Sunday.
To the childless couple: “When will you two be starting your family?” To the middle-age single man: “How’s your love life? Been on any dates lately?” To the 19-year-old boy: “Working on your mission papers?” And to the woman carrying a little extra weight around her middle: “When are you due?”
7. Drop your kids off at Primary so you can make a Diet Coke run.
Good thing Maverick is just down the street!
8. Arrive early to church and stake your claim on another family’s “official” pew.
9. Drop by your home teaching family’s home — unannounced — on the last day of the month.
Stay extra long to let them know you’re really in tune with their needs.
10. Clap with gusto after musical performances in sacrament meeting.
11. Use the foyer during sacrament meeting as your designated place to dish ward gossip with your friends.
Be sure to speak at full volume — some people might appear to be listening to the speakers, but they’re surely more interested in your conversation.
12. Let your toddler pick through all the pieces of bread on the sacrament tray until he finds the biggest one.
Germs don’t count if the bread has been blessed.
13. When you pull out your cell phone to “follow along with the lesson,” don’t bother putting it on silent.
No one really minds the “ding” each time you receive a text.
14. Dole out parenting advice without restraint.
Your kids are perfect, right?
15. Use testimony meeting as an opportunity to divulge your biggest sins and share your most personal stories.
The more tears, the better.
16. Make every attempt possible to recruit ward members to join your business venture.
Get involved in as many inter-ward business relationships as you can.
17. Stand up to sing the rest hymn in sacrament meeting, even if no one else does.
18. When moving, don’t pack your things before the Elders Quorum volunteers arrive to move your possessions.
They’ll be glad to take the extra time to carefully wrap your knick-knacks, pack them neatly in boxes, and then load them onto the truck.
19. Turn off the building’s wireless router.
It will ensure everyone will pay full attention to the sacrament meeting talks, right?
20. When packing your sacrament meeting entertainment bag, make sure you include a number of large, noisy, distracting toys.
We recommend Nerf guns, firetrucks with sirens and flashing lights, and dolls that talk to keep your children occupied .