You’ve got questions — and we don’t have all the answers. But Utah County is home to experts who will take on your burning questions.
Question: I’ve always wanted to plant a small vegetable garden. What do I need to know to get started?
Answer by Scott Engh: Start at the local garden center. A qualified staff member can explain the easiest way to “get your hands in the dirt.” But first, here are eight necessary questions to ask yourself:
1. Do I have a location at home that has plenty of direct sunlight?
2. Do I want to plant a garden directly in the ground, or do I want to construct a raised bed in the garden or patio?
3. What kind of time do I have during the week to work on my garden?
4. If I travel often, how will I water?
5. What kind of budget do I have to work with? (This one is important!)
6. What kinds of vegetables and fruits do I really like to eat and buy often?
7. If I have pets, how will I keep them out of the garden beds?
8. Can I share a garden area with my neighbor? This helps in time and cost.
Once these basic questions have been answered, a good nursery staff person can help you pick items you’ll need to become successful. And with a little help from Mother Nature, you’ll be eating home grown delicious by early summer!
Question: So … leggings. I know they’re all the rage, but I don’t know the “rules.” I’m 35. Is it kosher for me to wear leggings in any way, shape or form?
Answer by Karen Araujo: If you like the style, go for it! Leggings produce a streamlined silhouette flattering to all body types. To feel comfortable in a slim-fitting jean or legging (the “jegging”), keep the top half of your outfit loose and soft. For a little more coverage, I prefer my top to have some length. An easy outfit with jeggings or skinny jeans is a tall boot and a slouchy boyfriend-inspired long cardigan. Add a graphic tee and necklace, and you are done! Age is limitless, just remember to keep the rest of your outfit conservative and simple, thus allowing the leggings to be your fashion statement. “Jeggings” are here to stay!
Question: Over a year ago, my husband told me of his pornography addiction. He has stopped and gotten help, but I still don’t fully trust him, and intimacy is a big problem. It’s causing turmoil in our relationship. Sometimes I still feel “shocked” about the whole thing. How do I get past this?
Answer by Dr. Kevin Skinner: When women discover their partner’s involvement in pornography, that statement of “shock” is a normal response. Other symptoms include lack of sleep, anxiousness and a fear of what your husband is doing — and these feelings are not uncommon for weeks, months or years.
You say your husband has stopped. Do you believe it? Or does your fear override his claim? If he is indeed clean, what’s preventing you from fully engaging in the relationship? It’s typically our own fears. You’re afraid of being hurt again, so it holds you back from being fully intimate with him — and not just physically intimate, but sharing your emotions, fears and worries.
Research shows that as couples work through this issue, one of the best things to do is open up and talk about your fears. If your husband is a person who respects and values you, he will want to understand your pain.
Let’s talk about how to overcome fear. There is a story by Dr. Joseph Ladeau that talks about what happened to Americans after Sept. 11. He said we watched those planes go into the twin towers over and over again, and our mind felt what he called passive fear. Passive fear signals we can’t do anything to stop the behavior or outcome. Such feelings can be so overwhelming they make us freeze up. But his solution was to shut off the TV and get on with our lives. He said the moment you shut off those fear tapes and start acting and doing things, it rewrites the pattern in the brain.
So first, you have to make sure your husband is doing the right things. Then, it is essential for you to work on getting on with your life. The opposite of passive fear is active coping — getting on with life and being engaged in things you enjoy. I know it is not easy. But over the last year, your mind has been enraptured by your fear of being hurt by your husband — the fear he might relapse. We need your mind to prepare to move on, to find joy and to get back to life before you discovered this. In that process, opening up to your husband is a crucial step. Let him understand you are worried, tell him your fears and your pains, but also engage with him in ways that are intimate — and not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, verbal intimacy, and intellectual intimacy where you are sharing goals together and getting back to that married life you once dreamed about.