Whether you are going to a family gathering or meet a nosy grandmother at the grocery store, we’ve all been asked these invasive questions before.
1. Are you seeing anyone?
Oh, that’s not what you meant?
2. What’s that spot on your face?
I thought only young children asked questions like that.
3. When is your baby due?
Everyone should know to never ask a woman if she is pregnant.
As a general guide, use this chart.
4. How did you graduate from BYU without getting married?
I don’t know, maybe I was working on getting this thing called a degree, but I can’t be sure.
5. What are you going to do with that major?
Oh, you were expecting a different answer? Well, I promise my English major is going to take me places you’ve never seen, like to Hogwarts or something.
6. For people with food allergies: “Are you on a diet?”
Just because I have to wrap my burger in lettuce doesn’t mean I’m on a diet. I mean, honestly, isn’ t that an oxymoron in and of itself.
7. Is that your real hair color?
I mean, I was a blonde when I was younger, but then it got darker so I dyed it and now who knows.
8. Are you sure you want that? Do you know how many calories that has?
Nobody can come between me and my pizza.
9. Why aren’t you married? When are you getting married? How are you not married?
Yes, let me list off my flaws to you so you’ll have a logical explanation.
10. Have you gained (lost) weight?
11. Is that your real job?
What do you even do for a living again?
12. How can you be Mormon and be a feminist?
Let’s not even go there.
13. Are you tired? You look tired.
For your information, I like these bags under my eyes.
14. To stay-at-home moms: “What do you even do all day?”
Read this humorous column on what a stay-at-home mom’s schedule looks like, and then read the controversy that followed it.
15. Can I set you up?
Just don’t get involved in this painful process.
16. When someone asks you about recently deceased family members.
Poor Bode Miller.
17. After you’ve been going to the same class or church for eight months and people ask, “Are you new?”
Just because no one noticed you, doesn’t mean you aren’t special.