17 signs you’re an extreme BYU football fan

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You might think you are a true blue Cougar fan, but how committed to the program are you? Take a look at our list of 17 signs you’re an extreme BYU football fan, and see how you stack up.

1. You have a persecution complex.

Simpsons- better than me

This probably stems from the fact that LDS saints were driven out of no fewer than three states, but Cougar fans think everyone from power conferences to the liberal media in Salt Lake is out to get them.

 

2. Your favorite song is “Jock Jams” as performed by Vocal Point.

Pitch Perfect- acca-cuse me

 

3. You speak another language.

I don't understand

I’m not talking about the one you learned at the MTC. You see words like yewt, ALUF, and SGC and know immediately what they mean.

 

4. You’ve written a sharply worded email to Gordon Monson.

my-emotions

 

5. Your Disney vacations have a greater purpose.

VaderTeacup

When vacationing with your family at Disneyland, your favorite activity isn’t riding the Teacups or Space Mountain — it’s keeping a running total of BYU gear you see.

 

6. You take fashion cues from German tourists.

Dance Moms- You look horrible

You’ve been known to pair cargo shorts with sandals and black gold toe socks while rocking a killer fanny pack.

 

7. You have a son named Ty and a dog named LaVell.

Mad Men- say my name

Who needs a book of baby names when BYU’s all-time roster is listed online?

 

8. Rise and shout: You wake your children up in the morning by singing the Cougar fight song.

Katy Perry- wide awake

 

9. You make questionable parenting decisions.

HE-1b-hilary-clinton

You see no problem strapping a newborn into a baby Bjorn in subzero temp so you and your child can enjoy a game in mid-November.

 

10. You avoid Ute fans in your ward like the plague.

Judging people

You know what routes they take to class, their bathroom schedule, what classes their kids are in and make yourself scarce when they’re around.

 

11. You’re cheap.

Honey boo boo- a dollar

This idiom might not be true anymore, but the stereotype that Cougar fans take a copy of the 10 commandments and a $20 bill to away games, and don’t break either, lives on.

 

12. You’d date a Ute fan because they’re a fun hang, but you’d never marry one.

He's not that into you- don't call

 

13. You’ve had beer poured on you at Rice Eccles Stadium.

Lebeer poured

 

14. You have a selective memory.

Justin Bieber - I don't recall

You have a hard time acknowledging that football existed before 1972.

 

15. You should have been a coach.

Napoleon Dynamite- throw a football

You second-guess Bronco so much you may as well list Monday Morning Quarterbacking as a special skill on your LinkedIn profile.

 

16. Your game day diet consists of a Cougartail, a pint of Bishop’s Bash and a 44-ounce Diet Coke.

Food love

 

17. You’re always scouting.

little-giants-o

I’m not referring to the rowdy group of 12-year-olds you’re responsible for. What I mean is you’ve sent tape of your son’s sixth-grade game to coaches to inform them of the husky kid dominating the pee-wee league.

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Jon Eyre has worked in marketing communications at a number of high tech companies in Utah Valley for the past nine years. He is a 2003 graduate of BYU, and worked as a graduate assistant for the school's Sports Information Department for the 2003 and 2004 football seasons. When he isn't working, Jon spends his time scouring the internet searching for obscure indie bands, trying to decipher the meaning of Lost, or hanging out with his wife and three children.

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