10 unexpected blessings of being the parent of a missionary

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestmail
Ryan Call, a missionary serving in the Ecuador Quito North Mission, sits overlooking Quito, (Photo courtesy Jeff Call)

Ryan Call, a missionary serving in the Ecuador Quito North Mission, sits overlooking Quito, Ecuador. (Photo courtesy Jeff Call)

It was one of the toughest, most heart-wrenching days of my life.

That was the morning we dropped off our oldest son at the Salt Lake International Airport so he could fly to the Mexico City Missionary Training Center to prepare for his mission to Ecuador.

There were other families and missionaries at the airport huddled close, taking photos, giving hugs and shedding tears. It was both poignant and awkward as my wife and my five other sons said our final goodbyes.

As we watched our son disappear through the security line, we just stood there, hoping he would get to the right gate. He’s a smart kid, but we couldn’t help but wondering if he would he make his flight to Phoenix and his connecting flight to Mexico City. He had never gone outside the country before in his life.

We drove home from the airport in silence, other than the sound of occasional, muffled sobs. Our car had never been so quiet. As I gazed at our five sons in the rearview mirror, I noticed they had this bewildered and shell-shocked look on their faces, like we had just dropped off a beloved family pet at the Humane Society.

Certainly, it was a bittersweet event. We had looked forward to this day since he was born. We had talked about it, prepared for it, prayed for it. But once he was gone, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “What have we done?”

As I drove down I-15 toward home, separation anxiety hit me and tears filled my eyes. I could barely see the road. I already missed my son.

Then the thought crossed my mind: If all of our other boys leave for their missions at 18, as our oldest did, there’s a chance that drive to the airport that morning could be the last time we’d all be together for almost a decade.

The first several hours after we returned home from the airport crawled like a prison sentence. Just two years, 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days, 17,520 hours to go.

When we received a brief email from our son late that afternoon from the Mexico City MTC, we were thrilled and relieved. Then we knew we’d be able to sleep that night.

Of course what we were enduring that day was nothing new. This was not a unique experience. LDS families have been going through this every week for decades. Suddenly I had a newfound respect for parents who sent kids on missions, including my own. I never realized how hard it would be. For the first time, I viewed missionary service from the viewpoint of a parent rather than from the viewpoint of a missionary.

Our son has been on his mission in Ecuador for a little more than one year. Like any other missionary, he has had ups and downs along the way as he has had to adjust to a new culture, a new language and new food (he’s had several hospital visits due to illnesses). But he’s matured and grown spiritually. He loves his mission and the people of Ecuador.

In early September, we’ll go through this all over again when our second son flies to the Buenos Aires, Argentina MTC before serving in Paraguay. I’ve heard that it doesn’t get any easier.

I’ve always known that families receive many blessings when they send a missionary into the field, but now as a first-time parent of a missionary, I now know that’s true, and I understand what that means. Here are 10 unexpected blessings we’ve received:

1. I look forward to, and love, Mondays.

When I served a mission in Chile years ago, the only form of communication I had was through letters, which would take weeks to arrive to the United States.

Now, thanks to email, and the miracle of technology, we can receive word from missionaries in real-time, without a month-long lag. It’s like receiving a priceless gift every Monday, akin to Christmas morning. On Monday afternoons, I stare at my computer screen in anticipation of receiving the latest email from my son. And when I get his latest message, I savor every word, analyze it, and read it over and over again. Reading about his experiences, and reading his testimony, and seeing pictures, is a true blessing.

Here’s what President Thomas S. Monson has said about missionary letters. This was in 1987, before the advent of email, but it still applies:

“In many respects, a mission is a family calling. The letters which a missionary sends to Mother and Father are packed with power — spiritual power. They are filled with faith — abiding faith. I’ve always maintained that such letters seem to pass through a heavenly post office before being delivered to home and family.” —President Thomas S. Monson

“In many respects, a mission is a family calling. The letters which a missionary sends to Mother and Father are packed with power — spiritual power. They are filled with faith — abiding faith. I’ve always maintained that such letters seem to pass through a heavenly post office before being delivered to home and family. Mother treasures every word. Father fills with pride. The letters are read over and over again — and are never discarded. I trust parents will remember that their letters to a missionary son or daughter bring home and heaven close to him or to her and provide a renewal of commitment to the sacred calling of missionary. God will inspire you as you take pen in hand to express to one you love the feelings of your soul and the love of your heart.”

2. The influence a missionary has on siblings — and parents.

I’ve noticed my younger sons being amazed at my son’s transformation from boy to man during his mission. All the things that we as parents had been saying to our children for years are being repeated by our missionary son in his personal letters to them — encouraging them to read The Book of Mormon, say their prayers and be obedient. Our sons know much better now, from their oldest brother’s experience, what it means to be a missionary. They’re learning that it’s the hardest thing they will do at that point of their lives — and it’s worth it. They will be better missionaries because of their brother’s example.

3. The kindness, generosity and concern shown to my son and to our family.

After our son’s farewell, family, friends and ward members were very generous by contributing financially to his mission. That was humbling.

The day after our son left for his mission and we were still feeling the shock and sting of that separation, a couple of families in our ward that had missionaries serving reached out to us in simple ways to let us know that they were thinking of us and praying for us during that difficult time. Their acts of empathy soothed some of the pain we were feeling and let us know we were not alone. And every time someone asks me at work or at the grocery store or at church about our son, I appreciate their concern and I’m happy to share an update. I also appreciate it when friends or family take some time to write him an email.

Ryan Call sits with a family from his LDS mission in Ecuador. (Photo courtesy Jeff Call)

Ryan Call sits with a family from his LDS mission in Ecuador. (Photo courtesy Jeff Call)

4. Forging close relationships with others who have missionaries serving.

It’s kind of like being members of a club when you have a son or daughter serving a mission. You see other parents of missionaries and it’s great to commiserate and talk about your missionaries’ experiences. You know they’re people who can empathize with you. Another family in our ward has a son serving in the same mission as our son, and another family in our stake has a son who is also in the same mission and left with our son to the MTC. It’s fun to see them, compare notes and provide support to each other. In the process, we are forging strong bonds.

5. Memories of your own mission experience come alive again.

I’ve noticed that since my son left for his mission, I’ve reminisced more than ever about my own missionary service and the blessing it was for me to serve a mission. Some of his experiences have reminded me about my own. In the process, I’ve come to realize, over and over again, that he is much better prepared to be a missionary than I was, even though he was 18 when he left and I was 19 when I left.

6. Information from the mission president and his wife.

I know not all missions are the same and neither are all mission presidents. But we feel blessed that my son’s mission president and his wife send out occasional videos and pictures of their missionaries for family back home to enjoy. Sometimes, on a random Saturday afternoon, we’ll see photos of our son on Facebook at a training meeting or mission conference. It’s a simple thing, but it means a lot to us as parents. It’s worth more than gold. Besides, it’s comforting to know that our missionaries have a “mom and dad” looking after them during their service.

7. Christmas and Mother’s Day take on new meaning.

While Christmas and Mother’s Day have always been special holidays, the fact we can Skype our missionary on these days make them even more joyful. To me, it’s the highlight of those days and everything is centered around that Skype call. To be able see our son, talk to him, ask him questions, and to hear the Spanish accent in his voice as he speaks English, is amazing. Another miracle of technology.

8. Our son’s missionary plaque hanging in the church.

It’s not like we go searching for it every time we’re in the church building, but when I pass by the glass case next to the bishop’s office and see our son’s missionary plaque — featuring his picture and favorite scripture — it’s always a delight. It’s reassuring to see his face there with all the other missionaries from our ward.

9. Family prayers.

Praying on behalf of our son and brother during family prayers every morning and night has brought us closer together. It’s a sweet experience to hear one of our younger children sincerely pray for his brother serving a mission, asking Heavenly Father to protect him and help him find people who are prepared to receive the gospel message.

10. Though he’s far away, I feel a closer relationship with my son.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’ve found this to be true with my missionary son. Having also served in South America, I understand somewhat what my son is going through, and I’ve enjoyed sharing my experiences and advice. He’s asked me about dealing with difficult companions, learning the language, and how to help investigators. Before his mission, my son wasn’t one to ask my advice very often. But now he does on a regular basis. In one of his recent letters, he told me how he looks forward to talking to me in-depth about the gospel and his experiences from his mission. I can’t wait for that.

Only one year to go.

Share

Jeff Call has covered BYU sports since 1993, including the past 16 years for the Deseret News. He, his wife and six sons live in Cedar Hills.

15 Comments

  1. Armel Beardall Reply

    My dear friend-

    It is with tear filled eyes as I write this having just sent my oldest daughter the Mexico City MTC this morning. We just recieved the brief e-mail you referred to stating that she is safe and sound. Thank you for such an inspired article. It could not have been more timely. It has been a heart wrenching day but one that I would never eliminate from happening.

    God Bless!

    Armel Beardall

    1. Christie Hall Reply

      We were there, too! Just sent our son to the Mexico MTC Wednesday morning as well. I was so excited to see his quick “I’m here and safe, will write more next week” email. Every time I get a little teary-eyed, I just remember that this is where I really want him to be. I’m so excited for him and this new experience ahead of him!

  2. Jen Hinton Reply

    Your story is the first I have allowed myself to read as a new missionary mom- everything you said have been my thoughts and feelings almost verbatim. Thank you.

  3. Lillian Urbina Reply

    This article helped me a lot. I went to Utah to leave my daughter Sister Kayshley Urbina at the MTC. My only son Omar went with me.. After a plane from Tampa,Fl to Atlanta, GA,then to Utah, everything was fine. When we left home everybody cried a lot, She is a very lovely young woman that everybody loves. When I left her at the MTC we cried a lot. It was really sad it broke my heart. I knew was the best we can do for the Lord. Also her best gratitude for Him. But my heart was so sad. I was waiting for this moment, I was happy. But so sad when I came back home. So what was that feeling? I called our Bishop and he came to my house. His father was visiting him and came to my house too. They gave me a bless. I was so nervous, having panics attacks. The bless from the Lord heals me. These two brothers were blessing me at my house! It was a great moment in my life. Another way for me to testify about the power of the priesthood like I testified too many times before.This time was me. My Mondays are so special now. She is only two months away from home serving at Flagstaff, AZ. I was so happy when I saw her first picture. Members are so nice. They asked me about how she’s doing, also her friends. Another member texted me and gave me the words and scriptures that I needed to feel better. . And so happy that I have the love of Jesus everyday around us. My daughter is doing great in her mission. She wrote me about a member that was inactive for 40 years and started going back to church. I miss her a lot. But I pray for her, her companion and all the missionaries of the world everyday. For protection and blessings and their families. For a sister and her family that sent her son to the same mission and will be back six months after my daughter. I love the Lord, this real gospel that is around the world because we follow the Lord commandments and our convenants.i know that we won’t be with our daughter for two birthdays, two Chritmas and for Mother’s and Father’s Day. But she’ll be sharing her love, faith and her beautiful heart with the great family we have at this beautiful church. The truth church and the truthl gospel in the World. The Book of Mormon another Testament of JesusChrist that is spreading around the world with the Power of the Lord and JesusChrist, also the time and beautiful hands of our great missionaries.

  4. Cindy Larkin Reply

    I relate to everything you have just written! Our son went into the Dominican Republic MTC last week! It’s been a roller coaster of emotion, and it so good! I cannot wait until tomorrow when we will get his very first email! #countingdownthehours

  5. Karina McCormack Reply

    We are ‘first-time’ parents of a son we ‘sent’ into the field on a mission beyond the veil. I always read missionary articles with this perspective. Missionary work has a special meaning for us, as do eternal families, which is what missionary work leads to. So much in common with missionary parents and families, but also such a distinctly different experience which we don’t have in common with anyone at church. Our son was 3 days off 10 yrs when he passed away early 2014. My husband did his temple work a few weeks following (on his own 40th birthday), and we knew then he was called to the work, to teach our many ancestors. We get to work alongside him on this side of the veil, searching the names of those our son Levi teaches, and then take those names to the temple. We pray for his work. Our family is more unified in the gospel and together because of him and our experiences. Our love for him continues to deepen as we serve him, and serve with him, and express our love for him in word and action. Life is in perspective.

  6. Erin Cox Reply

    This fit me almost to a t! We sent out son to the Columbia MTC in June. He is now serving in the Quito, Ecuador mission!! Maybe they will be companions somtime!
    He is our oldest of 6 kids, hopefully all future missionaries! We have already seen countless blessing with having a missionary out! We also love Mondays around here! I agree 100 percent with everything you wrote! Thanks for the article to put my thoughts into words!

  7. C H Higgs Reply

    Years ago when our last child at home left for his mission we went through withdrawals for about 2 weeks. Then we realized how nice to was to have the house for ourselves and we enjoyed our new life alone.

    1. minda Caraan Cayas Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing and We are Happy and Blessed to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Days Saint..

  8. Walter La Plata Reply

    Hello, I am from Peru. My oldest son, Walter is serving in Santiago West Mission in Chile. I miss him so much, but I know the Lord is blessing him a lot. (sorry my bad english).
    It’s amazing to go through the same experiences all missionaries who have children. He is always reminding us that we have to read the Book of Mormon and doing our prayers, ah, I forgot, I also look forward to Mondays !!

  9. Barbara Toronto Reply

    Sigh….#2 Missionary came home in Feb 2015…..#3&4 leave for the MTC together on Nov 18th… Brisbane Australia-Mandarin & Taipei Taiwan….I am already shedding tears about this son and daughter heading out…..Bittersweet indeed….. #joyousmissionarymom

  10. karen Reply

    I have just sent my 3rd missionary out and I am just trying to hang tight. Yes I miss him but that is not why. It is because with each of my last 2 missionaries every trial I was experiencing blew up and got a 100,x tougher. At times I swore I would not send another missionary out! Of course that was heat of the moment but i still found myself bracing for what would happen as his time grew near. Good to focus on to good parts. It is a blessing in their lives! Still breathing is tough during this time for me.

  11. Melody Poloa Reply

    So beautifully expressed. I am a mother of 2 return missionaries and hope to send out another 3 when their time comes. True, it doesn’t get any easier as we send them to take their place in the Lord’s Army, but we put full trust in Heavenly Father. We know that He will bless our children when they are in His service. When we keep that in mind, it makes things a little easier on the heart.

    Thoughts and prayers go out to Elder Wells and those injured.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *