Conscientious Couples

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A healthy marriage is ever-changing and ever-challenging, but absolutely worth the fight to make two individuals better

American author Elizabeth Gilbert shared the miracle of love among two imperfect individuals.

   “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous,” she said.

   Marriage is miraculous. Bringing two unique lives together and creating one big, beautiful new life is not only difficult, but requires constant work and attention demanding more than love alone.

   Marriage requires humility, devotion, sacrifice, commitment and grit. The rewards are as numerous as the stars. Marriage is brilliant and beautiful and has the power to create more beauty as each day passes.

   I read these words by Nicole Kruass recently and was reminded of how I have felt: “Once upon a time a boy loved a girl and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend the rest of his life answering.”

   This feeling touches on the essence of marriage — the continued mystery and ever-present desire to know more about this one single person that seems to summon up all the hidden bells of our hearts.

   We are constantly growing and each experience adds depth and color to our lives.

I have almost endless thoughts and experiences that add to the mixture of why I enjoy working as a marriage and family therapist. Simply put, it brings me joy.

   I love marriage. I love romance, intimacy, safety and families. I understand that each marriage is unique and comes with history and hope that is worth focused time and effort when in trouble.

   A variety of skills exist that help marriage partners be successful. In therapy, we spend time understanding each other and each individual perspective. We learn and practice good communication skills, and we learn how to combine our values and use our inherent strengths to build our dreams. We discuss accountability and integrity. We work to understand and forgive, if needed. We learn who and what we need to surround ourselves with in order to be nurtured in a way that bring us closer. We grow together and get on the road to unity and solidarity as a couple. Maintaining a strong marriage that marinates in love and growth is about choice, discipline and awareness.

   Oftentimes couples come into session expressing fears of destruction — they fear the loss of connection and they fear they are unable to heal. I understand that fear. I’ve experienced it myself. I do know though, that fear stumps us and attempts to trick us into believing we have no power to become what we want. The truth is, we absolutely can become who we want both as an individual and as a married couple.

   When we are aware of potential dangers  and work daily to keep them far away, we create a safe harbor for our relationships.

   We have unique abilities to love and nurture and to bond, but we must be aware of what these are and how to use them to grow closer, then, we have to constantly apply them to create fertile ground for our family. When we choose to actively be mindful of each other and to tenderly tend to one another, we begin to witness the power, lasting love, and bountiful beauty that can envelop our relationships.

   You matter, your relationship matters, and your life matters. My business is called LifeFamilyMatters for this reason.

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